I have trouble giving up on people.
It’s not just people, though. It’s more accurate to say I have trouble giving up on whatever fantasy of the future that I’ve created in my mind. Sometimes that involves people. Sometimes it’s an achievement I’ve set my heart on. It can be any fantasy of what I think my life is going to look like.
I fall in love with my fantasies, I suppose. My life will be perfect when I make this thing happen. Everything will be perfect when this woman loves me and we live happily ever after.
And when I figure out that I’ve been chasing the wrong thing, I have trouble letting go of it. I have trouble saying that this thing is never going to happen. It’s hard for me to admit that maybe the thing I’ve been chasing was never good for me anyway.
When I stubbornly cling to dreams that are already dead, I sometimes allow myself to miss better opportunities. I sometimes mope so much about what I can’t have — even something I’ve decided isn’t good for me — that I miss better choices.
It’s been very difficult for me to stop watering dead flowers.

If ‘bigots’ can lose their rights, will your rights be next to go?
As our heroes grow old and die, it’s a reminder of our mortality
THE McELROY ZOO: Meet Lucy, the dog who used to live on a chain
I don’t regret my choices, but I do lament choices he refused to make
Eviction moratorium is pure theft; it’s a sign of creeping socialism
I like Ron Paul, but he’s not winning (and I don’t believe in the system)
Meet Charlotte, one of the important women in my life
Modern weddings seem designed to conceal reality of relationships