By the standards of my younger self, I’ll always be a failure. And that’s fine with me.
Our culture is obsessed with riches and status. We unconsciously judge people according to their level of success. We’re envious of those who get ahead and those who have more than we do. We judge others harshly — sometimes loudly and sometimes silently — for not living up to their “potential.”
I grew up this way. Maybe you did, too. I wanted success and power and money. I saw those things as the path to status and freedom. And I expected myself to be very successful.
But something happened along the way. I learned there was a tradeoff between worldly success and personal satisfaction with life. I learned that I couldn’t “have it all.” I struggled for years to find a compromise between the two — to see a way to follow incompatible values. And I failed.
When I crashed, I crashed hard, like a train jumping off its tracks. I went off the rails about 15 years ago — metaphorically speaking — and refused to move until I could figure out what had gone so terribly wrong. Why I felt like a failure.
I finally discovered that my culture had lied to me.

Free tires for a stranger? We forget all the people doing good
It’s hard for me to condemn liars when I’ve been such a liar myself
Group conflict isn’t as simple as tales of good guys vs. bad guys
As a child, I was a capable liar, because I mimicked a narcissist
To see how I’ve changed over time, notice which women I’ve fallen for
Want to feel happier, healthier? Try cutting back on your deceit
‘War is the health of the state’ — but the death of the people who serve it
Loving a depressed person means holding tightly on trips through hell