I have trouble giving up on people.
It’s not just people, though. It’s more accurate to say I have trouble giving up on whatever fantasy of the future that I’ve created in my mind. Sometimes that involves people. Sometimes it’s an achievement I’ve set my heart on. It can be any fantasy of what I think my life is going to look like.
I fall in love with my fantasies, I suppose. My life will be perfect when I make this thing happen. Everything will be perfect when this woman loves me and we live happily ever after.
And when I figure out that I’ve been chasing the wrong thing, I have trouble letting go of it. I have trouble saying that this thing is never going to happen. It’s hard for me to admit that maybe the thing I’ve been chasing was never good for me anyway.
When I stubbornly cling to dreams that are already dead, I sometimes allow myself to miss better opportunities. I sometimes mope so much about what I can’t have — even something I’ve decided isn’t good for me — that I miss better choices.
It’s been very difficult for me to stop watering dead flowers.

NYC cop’s profanity-laden threats secretly caught on videotape
Art, culture are keys to winning the future for freedom of choice
Friend’s happy family and career remind me how good life can be
Don’t trust this con man — or almost anybody else on ‘TV news’
NYC schools ban ‘birthday,’ ‘crime,’ ‘dinosaur’ and ‘divorce’ from tests
Photo assignment in dimly lit gym kickstarted my love for basketball
Not happy with your life? Change your narrative, change your life
Documents force me to rethink some old beliefs about my father
The free market: It’s not just for greedy, rich white capitalists