• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to secondary sidebar
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • YouTube

David McElroy

making sense of a dysfunctional culture

  • About David
  • New here?
  • DavidMcElroy.TV

Nine years ago, he asked her, ‘Will you take a chance on me?’

By David McElroy · November 30, 2018

It was raining when Mark offered to share his umbrella with Becca nine years ago. He says he didn’t have any other motivation, but Becca smiled Friday night when they told me the story.

“I don’t know what he was really thinking,” she said, “but I’m glad he took the chance.”

I met Mark and Becca — along with their two young children — at a restaurant. Their two daughters attracted my attention first. Their animated games of make-believe made me smile and I was soon chatting with their parents.

They live in Portland, Ore., now, but Birmingham will always be special to them. It was a twist of fate — like something out of a romantic movie — that brought them together in the rain one evening nine years ago.

Becca was a 26-year-old lawyer at her father’s Philadelphia law firm. She’s an only child and her dad had always wanted her to take over his law practice one day. He had planned her life. He sent her to Yale for her undergraduate degree and Georgetown for law school. She had been working at the firm for a bit more than a year, but her dad told anybody who would listen that she would eventually take over for him.

Mark was not the sort of man her father approved of. He was a freelance writer and made little money. He was 45 and still hadn’t published anything more than short stories and freelance articles in small magazines. He struggled to make his living and he lived in a cheap studio apartment in the Southside part of Birmingham — the artsy section of town which Bohemian dreamers and artists call home.

Becca’s aunt lived in Birmingham and the family was gathering at her house for Thanksgiving. It was a large group staying at her home in Mountain Brook for the holiday. Mountain Brook is the part of town where “old money” lives around here. Even though Mountain Brook and Southside are right next to one another, the social and economic classes of the people who lived there were miles and miles from one another.

Becca was restless in the big house among people she barely knew, so when someone needed to run to a grocery store for a few missing items for baking, she volunteered. She took her aunt’s car — since her family had flown in — and she took off in the dark with directions to the store.

She didn’t realize that Mountain Brook’s streets were so winding and confusing. She took a wrong turn, but she wasn’t concerned about it since she found a grocery store anyway. She had ended up at a Western Market on Highland Avenue, only about half a mile from Mark’s Southside apartment. And it turned out that he had come to the store at the same time — just as it started to pour down rain.

As he arrived and parked, he noticed a woman sitting in a car and looking frustrated with the rain. As he got out with his umbrella raised, he offered to let her join him on the walk inside. He said it was purely a spur-of-the-moment thing.

After she shared his umbrella and they got inside the store, they both laughed at how wet they had gotten even with the umbrella. As Becca started looking around for the things she had come for, Mark stayed near her side.

“When I saw her in the parking lot, I just knew she was a woman who might want to share my umbrella,” Mark said, “but once we got inside, it was like everything changed for me. I didn’t believe in love at first sight until that night, but when I saw her face and looked into her eyes, I would have done anything to keep talking with her.”

Becca felt a connection to Mark, too, but nothing about what she felt was convenient for her. She thought it would be harmless enough to keep talking to him while she was in town — since she didn’t know anybody in the area and her extended family left her eager to get away — so she gave him her phone number.

Over the next four days, Becca slipped away from her family as often as she could get away with. Mark met her family, but he didn’t feel as though they were very happy to meet him.

“I think they were afraid I was going to kidnap Becca,” he laughed. “And they were probably right.”

In the time Mark and Becca had together, they quickly felt as though they had known each other forever. They both say there was a strong sense of intimacy — a kind of shared heart — that made them both very happy. The family was flying back to Philadelphia Sunday night. On Saturday afternoon, Mark took Becca to the Birmingham Botanical Gardens. They walked among the flowers and along the paths for hours.

While they were in the Japanese garden, Becca sensed that something changed in Mark. They were both dreading that the time had come for her to leave and were talking about what the future might hold. Becca said Mark looked her in the eye for a long time before he finally spoke again. She said she remembers his words clearly.

“Becca, will you take a chance on me?”

For his part, Mark was having trouble not saying as much as he wanted to say.

“What I wanted to say was that I was madly in love with her and wanted her to marry me the next day,” Mark said Friday night.

Becca didn’t return to Philadelphia with her family that night. Her parents were angry and worried at her sudden involvement with someone she barely knew, but she trusted her instinct.

“All my life, I had done what my dad had wanted me to do,” she said. “I always thought he wished he had a son to be just like him, so since he didn’t have a son, he tried to make his daughter just like him. This was the first time in my life when I defied him. He didn’t take it well.”

Becca stayed with her aunt for a few days while she looked for a job and a place to live. She finally returned to Philadelphia to move her belongings and drive her car back. Her father told her that if she left the job he had given her, he was disowning her. But she listened to her heart instead of her fear.

Within six months, Mark and Becca married. Her parents wanted nothing to do with the wedding and didn’t attend. They belittled Mark and told her she was making the worst mistake of her life.

Becca’s father died last year. A few months before he died, he was diagnosed with a fast-moving form of cancer. Even though her dad didn’t speak to her, her mother talked to her at times, against her husband’s wishes. As he was close to death, he asked if he could see Becca and Mark — both of them — so they went to see him.

“We went up there and we took our daughters,” Becca said. “Mom was overjoyed to finally meet her granddaughters, but I still didn’t know what Dad might say to me. I wasn’t sure why we were there.”

Mark and Becca went upstairs to the dying man’s room. He was confined to bed by that point and couldn’t talk very well.

“This is very hard for me,” Becca said her father said, “but I was wrong about both of you. I thought I was trying to steer you in the right direction, but what I wanted was for you to fulfill my own plans. I should have said this a long time ago, but I apologize for the way I acted. You two seem to be really happy together and I understand now that’s what matters. Will you forgive me?”

Mark had a novel published four years ago by a small press in Portland and it was well-received by critics. He has a second book that’s about to come out from a bigger publisher. Becca is the business half of the family and Mark is the creative half. They tell me they’re doing well financially, but I don’t know exactly what that means.

“Before I met Becca, I didn’t have any real motivation,” Mark said. “I wanted to do well — everybody does — but I didn’t do my best work. After she came along, everything changed. It was like some kind of magic light switch had been flipped inside me. I did better work and I started caring about selling it, especially after we had the girls.”

Mark and Becca have been gone from Birmingham for two years. They’re not sure how long they’ll be in Portland or where they might end up. They came last weekend for Thanksgiving and stayed for the entire week. It’s the first time since nine years ago that the extended family had gathered at the home of Becca’s aunt. Mark and Becca came to see the family and then visit friends and places they haven’t seen much — and to show their daughters where everything started.

They took their daughters to the Western Market where they met, but the little girls didn’t seem impressed. It was just a small grocery store to them.

But the tiny store on that corner means everything to Mark and Becca.

“I can’t imagine how much I would have lost out on if I hadn’t offered that umbrella to her that night,” Mark said.

“And I can’t imagine how much we would both have been lost out on…” — she gestured to their daughters — “…if I had done the reasonable thing and gone back home with my parents,” said Becca. “I saw something not long ago that really resonates for me. It said in the end, we only regret the chances we didn’t take. I’m glad I don’t have to regret not taking this chance.”

Sometimes the opportunity we need most is right in front of us, but it might not always make sense to anybody else.

Share on Social Networks

Related Posts

  • Double standards seem like the only standards most politicians know
  • We will destroy ourselves if we don’t learn to love our enemies
  • ‘American Idol’ for politics? Here’s real democracy in 2012 election

Filed Under: Uncategorized

Primary Sidebar

Critters

My Instagram

Have you felt as though you’re living through Grou Have you felt as though you’re living through Groundhog Day lately? Me, too. Here’s a quick-and-dirty political satire I made this evening for fun and stress relief.
About three minutes before sunrise, vibrant color About three minutes before sunrise, vibrant color is poking through the skies to the east of my back yard.
The lights and color might have been more spectacu The lights and color might have been more spectacular a couple of minutes before this, but this was the best view I had of the Monday afternoon sunset from a bridge over I-20 in Moody, Ala.
I just remembered this shot I got a couple of hour I just remembered this shot I got a couple of hours ago of the fading sunset while I was in the Publix parking lot on the way home. If you suddenly find yourself craving Arby’s or Wendy’s, blame the giant icons in the sky, not me. 😃 (BTW, this was with the iPhone’s 8X telephoto lens.) #nature #naturephotography #sunset #birmingham #alabama
I had just pulled into a parking lot Friday night I had just pulled into a parking lot Friday night and was watching traffic through the distortion of the gently falling rain on my car window when I realized that the abstract view I had matched the way I was feeling tonight, so I turned it into a brief abstract video to match my mood.
Get ready for the next great animated Christmas cl Get ready for the next great animated Christmas classic, featuring singing and dancing and danger from Alex, Oliver and Sam. Coming soon to a theater near you. (The funniest part is that if I cared about this as anything more than a Christmas joke, it strikes me as something that could be profitable with the right story development and the right animators.)
Here are a couple of views of the sunset I just wa Here are a couple of views of the sunset I just watched on my way home after showing houses. I didn’t have my camera with me, so these are just iPhone shots. #nature #naturephotography #sunset #birmingham #alabama
This is what it might look like if the cats and I This is what it might look like if the cats and I were cast in a Wes Anderson film.
This is one of the funniest things that ChatGPT ha This is one of the funniest things that ChatGPT has done for me. I asked it to create a movie poster showing what a movie poster would look like for a film starring me. I told it to use my previous writings (from my website) to come up with a title and subject matter. And this is what it came up with. I can’t stop laughing. Also, the software decided on its own to included Oliver. 😺
Follow on Instagram

Critter Instagram

I tried to awaken Oliver when I left after lunch t I tried to awaken Oliver when I left after lunch to let him know I was leaving for the afternoon, but I’m not sure he woke up enough to understand what was going on. He was a sleepy boy.
Late Wednesday afternoon, Oliver and Alex have tak Late Wednesday afternoon, Oliver and Alex have taken over the surface of my desk. Alex already had the small bed, so Oliver just stretched out on the surface for a good view out of a window next to the desk.
Sam and I are at an office window Tuesday afternoo Sam and I are at an office window Tuesday afternoon and he’s trying to teach me his advanced techniques for Neighborhood Watch. He’s the best.
Alex is lying on the bed late Monday night, but I Alex is lying on the bed late Monday night, but I don’t think he’ll be awake much longer.
I’m trying to get some work done on my MacBook, bu I’m trying to get some work done on my MacBook, but Oliver thinks he deserves attention instead. So this is the view from the MacBook’s camera.
Alex is stretched out on my desk Monday evening as Alex is stretched out on my desk Monday evening as he begins the long and arduous wait for dinner.
From the CritterCam: Alex is sleeping right in fro From the CritterCam: Alex is sleeping right in front of the camera late Monday afternoon, so we have a good view of this sleeping boy, even if he’s too close for a good focus.
Early Monday morning, Sam is on Neighborhood Watch Early Monday morning, Sam is on Neighborhood Watch in an office window. Nothing gets past his scrutiny.
It’s almost 6 a.m., but Oliver doesn’t want to let It’s almost 6 a.m., but Oliver doesn’t want to let me go to bed. He’s happier when I serve as a giant bed for him.
Follow on Instagram

Contact David

David likes email, but can’t reply to every message. I get a surprisingly large number of requests for relationship advice — seriously — but time doesn’t permit a response to all of them. (Sorry.)

Subscribe

Enter your address to receive notifications by email every time new articles are posted. Then click “Subscribe.”

Search

Donations

If you enjoy this site and want to help, click here. All donations are appreciated, no matter how large or small. (PayPal often doesn’t identify donors, so I might not be able to thank you directly.)




Archives

Secondary Sidebar

Briefly

We are ruled by the dumbest and most incompetent people among us — and we have a system which allows stupid and irresponsible people to force the costs of their idiocy onto smarter and wiser people. Can we get away with that? Yes, for quite some time. But we eventually reach a point at which the dumbest of the dumb — who are habitual liars and mentally ill fools — lead us to the disasters and destruction that some of us have seen coming for years. We are approaching that point. And yet most of the idiots around us still wave their rhetorical banners of support for the evil people who are leading us to ruin — and all of them point their fingers at someone else, never noticing that their own enthusiastic support of evil is to blame. When things finally fall apart, blame yourself for your blindness to the evil, not whoever happens to be in power when it happens.

I’ve been making some changes to the site lately and there are more changes coming in the days ahead, so don’t be surprised if you some small differences. This is not a wholesale redesign, but rather the addition of some features. Since they’re smarter than I am, I’ve put Oliver and Alex in charge of the technical work, which you can see in this action photo from the control room of our media complex. I recently added a series of landing pages for readers who randomly discover the site from an Internet search. I’ve also changed the YouTube link at the top of the page to go to the new YouTube channel for video essays that reflect things I’ve already published here. (Here’s a little bit about both of the YouTube channels I’m working on.) In addition, I’m trying to move away from using Instagram, so I’m experimenting with photo plug-ins that will eventually allow me to host the pictures — cats, dogs, sunsets, whatever — that I often take. So don’t be surprised to see more changes. Thanks for your patience. Let’s hope Alex and Oliver know what they’re doing.

I have no use for the theocratic and repressive government of Iran. The people who run the country are cruel at best and evil at worst. The Iranian people deserve freedom. But I have no personal quarrel with anybody in Iran. While I’m not thrilled about a future Iranian government having nuclear weapons, I’m just as concerned about nukes in the hands of politicians in Israel, Pakistan, India, China and Russia. I’m not even thrilled with the U.S., Britain and France having them, either, because I don’t trust any politicians to be responsible with such terrible weapons. All I can say with certainty is that American taxpayers have no business attacking Iran, especially since we’re being forced to pay for this attack in order to benefit the politicians of Israel — and nobody else. If Middle Eastern countries want to fight among themselves, that’s none of my business. It’s not the business of the U.S. government, either. I have no quarrel with anybody in Iran — and having the government which claims to represent me launch an unprovoked attack against a sovereign country will only make all Americans less safe in the near future. This attack is poorly conceived and morally unjustified. Remember that when the Iranians launch attacks that we will then condemn as “terrorism.” What the U.S. is doing right now looks like terrorism to me. And let’s not forget that the attack is the latest in a long line of unconstitutional wars by various U.S. presidents — who have no legal power to declare war on their own, according to the U.S. Constitution.

A child having a tantrum understands only one thing: Did I get my way or not? He doesn’t understand the issues involved. He doesn’t understand the reasons that went into a decision. He doesn’t understand any of the things that mature and reasonable adults have to understand in order to live healthy lives. By his reaction to the U.S. Supreme Court’s ruling to strike down his disastrous tariff scheme, Donald Trump shows himself to be — once more — a screaming child having a tantrum. Outside the world of mob bosses who expect to get their way every time, normal adults don’t act this way, but Trump isn’t normal. He’s an angry and vengeful man who has narcissistic personality disorder. And we are in danger as a result. Trump doesn’t understand the legal issues involved in this ruling. He doesn’t understand economics. He doesn’t understand rule of law. He doesn’t understand that he can ever be wrong. All he understands is that he didn’t get his way. And he is now a narcissistic and raging little boy who also happens to hold life-and-death power over most humans on this planet. He’s dangerous — and the system which gives him that power is even more dangerous.

Is it an attempt to blur the gender line between men and women? Or is it some weird tribute to the traditional Scottish kilt? It’s hard to say, but fashion designers keep pushing for men to wear skirts in the last few years. Both men and women in modern fashion seem oddly androgynous, as though it would be offensive for a man to look manly or for a woman to look feminine. A CNN article about the latest fashions from Paris caught my attention Monday and left me wondering about the ugly clothes the designers are hawking. If a man wants to wear a skirt — or a kilt — that’s OK with me, but I’ll stick with a traditional dark suit with a white shirt and tie. (Well, when I’m not wearing t-shirts and sweats, of course.) I always wonder who actually buys the outlandish garb from fashion designers anyway. I would be humiliated to be seen in any of this stuff, but I obviously have no sense of high fashion.

Read More

Crass Capitalism

Before you buy anything from Amazon, please click on this link. I’ll get a tiny commission, but it won’t cost you a nickel extra. The cats and Lucy will thank you. And so will I.

© 2011–2026 · All Rights Reserved
Built by: 1955 DESIGN