Mitt Romney: Illuminati stooge to bring about New World Order?

By David McElroy · April 1, 2012

Note: This article was published on April 1, 2012, which should give you a hint about how seriously to take it.

There’s shocking proof today that GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney is an agent for a shadowy Illuminati/Masonic conspiracy to take over the United States. The explosive revelation comes from Buck Weazer, president of Democracy United Motherland Mighty Investigative Enlightenment Services (DUMMIES).

“I have in my hand the names of 872 paid agents of the Illuminati who are members of the media and work as election officials,” Weazer said. “Those people have successfully rigged these primaries so far and covered up the fact that 94.6 percent of the public is really voting for Ron Paul. I mean, do you personally know anyone who’s for Romney? I don’t, either. It’s a conspiracy.”

Weazer, seen below with his cat, Lulabelle, said the conspiracy involved several groups working together under the code name Operation Purple Monkey. Elements of the Illuminati, the Masons, the Bilderberg Group and the Girl Scouts have been planning this operation since 1992.

The man we know today as Romney was originally a Polish actor who was discovered on the Warsaw stage. He had an uncanny natural resemblance to the real Mitt Romney, so a little bit of plastic surgery was all that was required to make him completely look the part.

The switch was made during a sacred pagan ritual at the Bohemian Grove in California in 1994. While all of the participants were stripping their clothes off for the naked dance in the moonlight to the Goddess Hilda, the fake Romney was brought in as just another anonymous naked man. (See photo evidence above from changing clothes.) When the ceremony was over, the fake Romney put on the real Romney’s clothes and the real one was whisked away for confinement at a secret FEMA camp located a mile and a half south of Walmart in Seward, Neb.

The entire operation has been conducted by a high-ranking Masonic operator in New England. Coded communication between the groups has been hard to decipher, but it appears his name is Jeremy Word.

“This Word guy is the baddest of the bad,” Weazer said. “He has no scruples and will stop at nothing to control all power in this country. He’s usually called by his code name, which is ‘Troll 9000.'”

Weazer said Illuminati-connected election officials have rigged voting machines all over the country with a computer chip that causes them to incorrectly report votes. Every time someone votes for Ron Paul, Romney gets five votes at various other machines — making Romney appear popular and disguising the fact that Paul is the Choice of The People.™

According to DUMMIES, the conspiracy continues through the government officials who count the votes and report them. All of the media people reporting on the election are either part of the plot or have bosses giving them orders who are part of the conspiracy. The only known media outlet who isn’t part of the media conspiracy is Alex Jones, who wouldn’t agree to terms when the conspiracists refused to let him ride on a spaceship to Neptune to meet the king of the Grays, the alien race pulling the Illuminati strings from off-planet.

“Most people don’t even realize they’ve been duped,” Weazer said, “but that’s because of the Girl Scout cookies. Those girls got bought off to put neurotoxins in the cookies each year to cause people to believe whatever they’re told. Why else would the Twilight series have been popular? That’s proof.”

Weazer and his DUMMIES group believe they are going to be able to force a showdown with the Illuminati agents at the Republican convention and convert all of the Romney delegates to vote for Ron Paul instead.

“I’ll tell you this,” Weazer said. “If we get to the convention and they tell you that Romney is the nominee, that will be proof that the conspiracy worked. We’re going to win this thing in the end, though, because the Lizard People are on our side.”

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If you have problems with high blood pressure, I’d like to encourage you to consider making serious changes to your diet. There might be some people who don’t have any choice but to start taking prescription medications for high blood pressure, but I’d like to tell you that I have completely eliminated my issue by eliminating all sugar and almost all carbohydrates. (A couple of months ago, my blood pressure hit 185/144, which was dangerously high — considered stage 3 hypertension.) By completely changing my eating habits, I’m down 22 pounds and my blood pressure is now in the “ideal” range — without taking any medication. In addition, I sleep better and I have more energy. Getting away from the sugar-laden mess that we generally refer to as “highly processed food” has been a life-changer for me. Now my challenge is to avoid slipping back into old habits — by eating in the dangerous ways that almost everyone in our society has come to see as normal.

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